tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
