just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
