I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
