It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize