"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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