She's JV to your varsity
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
