R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
