He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
