Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Ketchup is God's man juice
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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