the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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