do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
