Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
