I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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