So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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