to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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