my room smells like sperm. sweet.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
