I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
When are your genitals available?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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