woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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