under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
