PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
