I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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