so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
