When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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