my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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