i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize