He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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