dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
