Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
whose ass print is on the piano?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
