you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
