If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
