I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
