I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
