Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
