my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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