Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
