When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
