woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
