Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
