I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
