I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
