Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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