I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
