Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
