Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
