Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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