The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
