I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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