nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
