i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
