I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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