the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
