I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
