i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
