Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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