I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
