why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize