So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
