I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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