nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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