At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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