Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
