If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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