She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i need to put some appletini on your dick
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
